I’m not sure how to talk about this, but it was a life changing event for me, and I need to share it.
I’m 32 and I can say I don’t ever remember my Mom crying. It may just be one of those things that I as a child or even as an young adult forget about, because it wasn’t that “big of a deal”. Or maybe I forgot because let’s face it children and young adults are a little self absorbed.
Anyways, it was a Sunday. (Now my Mom still lives in NC, I live in Alabama with my Oldest brother, my second oldest brother and younger sister live in Texas.) We were doing a Marco Polo video and I had spent a few minutes sharing the Pastors message from church with my Mom and Sister through the app (my brothers refuse to use this app, they say we talk to long). I finished my recording and hit send feeling relieved as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. That evening I watched an episode of “Insecure” (I love that show). So, I didn’t get back on to check my Moms reply on Marco Polo until after I had gotten off work that Monday afternoon. I don’t even remember her conversation, honestly, I barely remembered what I had said the day before, but I will never forget how beautiful my Moms tears were.
Ok, so rewind.
My Mom is a strong independent black woman who raised four children all alone in the 90’s, while her husband provided no support and she received little to no assistance. Married women don’t need assistance right? (Thank God for a village of family members though, my grandmothers were a blessing, my aunts and uncles were a pillar.) She worked multiple jobs at a time and she made sure we all grew into respectable adults. Meaning she never spared the rod. She is that “rock” that every family has. You know someone gets sick call my Mom, need to know a recipe, call my Mom, just want to vent, call my Mom. She is also the oldest girl of her mothers children, so as it should be, she has big sister duties to tend to as well. As her oldest daughter my heart would go out to her whenever she got that “hey big sis call”. I mean we as big sisters we love it, we live for it, but it can be a little draining sometimes.
Back to the video.
When I saw that video of my Mom crying, I saw so many years of blessings and answered prayers flowing down her cheeks. I was stunned. It gave me chills. It still gives me chills. I immediately imagined her praying over her children while she was driving to work, hoping we would all be there when she got home after two shifts. Praying that we would all be safe with whoever could watch us that day. For the days she had no choose but to leave us alone, her praying that we would be ok, and trying not to think what could happen. And the five of us, We made it. Now don’t get me wrong we may have been hungry, we fought, we broke some things, we had some runaways, it got dark sometimes. But we made it!
I know my Mother always prayed for us. I can still hear it in her voice whenever we do one of our family conference calls. But to see those answered prayers in tiny little rivers flowing down her beautiful face. The joy and pain, past hurts and sorrows, looking into her eyes and know that she was still praying for us even to this day. Even after her youngest child turned 30. Even after We were all living away from home. Even right now, I can still feel her prayers working it out in my life and see how it’s working it out in my siblings lives.
It leaves me speechless.