In January of this year I had the opportunity to join in with my church for 21 days of prayer and fasting. This was my first time participating in the 21 days and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Prayer started at 0600hrs. I am not a morning person, but I wanted to be all in for this event.
So every morning for 21 days I was up to hear the message online. The last day of the 21 days we met at the church at 0900 hrs. During this service I asked God a question. An answer came to me clear as if someone standing next to me had said it. I opened my eyes and looked around and everyone around me was wrapped up in prayer. I was the only one that had heard it.
I stopped praying and had to sit down for a moment to collect myself. Had God just spoken to me or was I imagining things? I talked to my prayer partner and she told me that if it was God he would confirm what he said. I went home after service and called my Mom. I told her what had happened. My mom’s response was that if it was God he would confirm what he said. I reached out to a good friend and told her what I had heard, she too told me to wait for confirmation.
So a few days later I got my first confirmation. I had a hair appointment. My loctician started a general conversation with me and said almost word for word what I had heard during my prayer. She repeated the words I had heard during prayer! My eyes almost popped out of my head. I asked her why she had said that, her reply, “I don’t know”. Over the next few days I received several other confirmations of what I had heard during prayer. It became clear to me that I had heard Gods voice.
I made the necessary steps to follow through with what he had said. I told everyone my decision, some supported me others didn’t. Some people looked at me like I was crazy. I didn’t care I had heard God and I was determined to follow his word. I was on the right path. God was guiding me, I would keep moving forward, regardless of what anyone said.
Then one day, a few months later, I questioned what I had heard. Was I making the right decision? I couldn’t go through with this. I had way to much to lose. I had to have more confirmation, was it really God. I reached out to more people, asking what would you do? Some people told me to follow God’s word, others said pray on it.
Then someone told me what I wanted to hear. You are comfortable, why change? I agreed.
I would stay exactly where I was. I didn’t need to change anything.
One of the things my Mom had told me was that if I was walking in Gods “direction” I would have a sense of peace with my decision. I wasn’t at peace with the decision to not change. I regretted it almost immediately, but once I decided to stay the decision was irreversible.
I began to feel guilty and ashamed.
I beat myself up about not following Gods voice for months. Then something whispered to me, it wasn’t as clear as the last time. Just a whisper I barely heard it. GOD STILL LOVES ME!
I messed up, I didn’t listen, BUT I am still a Child of God and he still loves me.
Nothing I do can ever separate me from him. He has a purpose for me and I can’t stop that from happening. He is so much greater than me, he knows all and he sees all. I know I can’t mess up the plan God has for me and even with this detour he still has a purpose for me.
1 Timothy 1:15-19
Jeremiah 29:11
