(Well, unless you are literally underwater that is.)

I had mentioned before how I hadn’t breathed in almost 17 years!!

I had been holding my breath.

I was afraid of making someone mad, afraid that they wouldn’t want to be my friend and I would end up friendless.

Afraid that I wasn’t doing something right.

Afraid that I wasn’t doing enough.

I was so afraid that the thought of a breath leaving my body that someone hadn’t given me permission to breath made me want to just stop breathing.

I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to breath.

It was as if I equated breathing to happiness.

What if I took a breath so deep and it filled me with so much joy that I floated away?

What had I done in life to earn a breath that deep? What gave me the right to want to be happy?

So I stopped breathing.

I held every single breath inside of me. I held it so long that it hurt.

My lungs were at the point of bursting.

It hurt so much that finally my soul said “fuck this”. Then it made me breath.

I breathed a breath so deep, that my mind became fuzzy, my legs became wobbly and I forgot why I had stopped breathing in the first place.

I saved myself.

Now when I breath, I take a deep breath, breaths so deep that my lungs hurt from the inhalation. I breath deep every second I get.

I deserve happiness.

I breathe deep to remind myself that I DESERVE THIS!

I deserve joy.

I deserve to breath.

And, I am worth every single deep breath I take!

Published by BrwnSknSwty

Mrs. Nettles/Published Author/🐱🐱🦜mom/☕️❤️/🪴❤️/Army Soldier/✝️/OES/♍️/ :::Life Quote:::Traveling through words on a road called life, reading the map backwards, and still finding my purpose :::Author of::: “Ten Years And Nothing” https://www.xlibris.com/en/bookstore/bookdetails/828845-ten-years-and-nothing :::Website::: www.brwnsknswty.com :::Follow Me::: Instagram and Twitter @brwnsknswty :::Join Me:::Facebook Group BrwnSknSwty :::LinkedIn::: https://www.linkedin.com/in/latonia-nettles-2918a5a0 :::Cashapp::: $LatoniaNettles

Join the Conversation


Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: