He was different, she felt it at her core.
She asked him again, knowing that his answer would never change, “Terry, what happened between us?”. He looked at her, staring intensely into her eyes. It made her uncomfortable, there was so much emptiness there in his eyes, but she was hoping this time he could give her an answer she could use. Something that would help them move forward in their relationship. After ten years, it felt like they had stopped moving forward. He never smiled at her anymore, he never initiated kisses anymore. He always seemed so distant to her. Even when they made love, if they made love, she never felt connected to him.
He looked away first, staring at a blank spot on the wall. He took a deep breath, and paused. Finally rushing the breath out of his body, he closed his eyes and responded, after what had felt like ages, he spoke softly but the word were so loud. She didn’t want to hear it, she didn’t believe him. After ten years of being together. Ten years of growing together, this is the answer he gives her. There was no closure in his words, only more questions. What was he even talking about?
She shook her head, took a deep breath and realized she couldn’t exhale. Her breath was stuck at the bottom of her lungs. “I CAN’T” she screamed it, not meaning to, but it was the only way for her to release the breath. “I can’t”, she said softer and more controlled. “I love you so much, I just needed to know.” Her mind went blank, she couldn’t remember what she had came them for, why was she still trying to find something, when she didn’t even know what she was looking for. “I have to go, I need to go” she whispered with eyes closed, not looking for an exit. She wanted him to ask her to stay, like he had done all the years before. Stay where though, where was she, why the hell was she here? She stared into his face, hoping for some type of emotion to cross it. Any emotion other than the void she saw in his eyes, would have made her feel better about coming there.
She saw nothing. After ten years, he couldn’t even give her hope. Ten years of her life and now there was nothing. No closure, no sadness, no love. Ten years and all she had to show for it was nothing.
…to be continued