She couldn’t stay there. She could feel herself becoming more and more vulnerable as the seconds ticked away. Why couldn’t he see how this was affecting her? Or was it that he saw, but he no longer cared?
He used to always be so caring and loving. Now this bastard couldn’t care less what happened to her. She felt so angry she wanted to break something, but she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of making her act out of character. She wanted him to remember her for her smile, for the love she gave him.
Finally she found the strength to stand up. It was then that she realized he had been talking the entire time. What was he saying?
She couldn’t care less. She realized then that it no longer mattered what he said. He no longer mattered.
“I have to go, I just remembered that I have somewhere I am supposed to be.” She rushed her words out. She looked at him one last time, hoping to feel something, anything other than numb, “Goodbye Terry.” He reached for her hand to stop her. She flinched, moving away from him. Why now? She thought. Why now after he had denied her for the last six months, why now was he trying to touch her? What had changed? She walked away, not looking back.
No tears fell, she had no more tears for him.
She was 28, and single for the first time in ten years. She walked out of his apartment, into the mid days sun. It was a beautiful day. That morning when she woke up, she had planned to ask him if he wanted to go for a walk. She had wanted to try to mend their relationship. They had spent so much of their time together, walking and just enjoying nature. They were always just enjoying their time together. She thought that maybe the act of walking, doing something familiar, could take them back to happier times. She was so wrong. As soon as he opened his front door and saw that it was her, she realized how wrong she had been.
She walked to her car, opened the car door and got in. She didn’t check to see if he had followed her out. She honestly didn’t care anymore. Cranking the car, placing it into drive and pulling off. It all seemed so routine. Why couldn’t life be as simple as driving a car?
She headed towards her apartment. They had never lived together, that should have been her first clue that He had never been serious about them. When he moved out of his parents house after college, she had asked him about living together in order to save money. He said that he wanted to them protect each other’s space. That he didn’t want to be one of those couples that played marriage. Why the fuck did she believe that crap? Ten whole years of her life with never even the hint of a marriage proposal, then one day he just didn’t want her anymore.
Looking down at the cars odometer she saw that she was speeding. She slowed down and took a deep breath. How did she end up here, ten years later, more lost than she had ever been? She needed a place to think.
She pulled the car over into a shopping center parking lot, took a deep breath and allowed her tears to flow softly down her cheeks. She noticed that almost as soon as her tears began a light rain started. “How cliche”, she thought as she allowed the tears to run freely.
…to be continued