He was confused.  Why did she keep popping back up if she wasn’t ready to talk about where they had went wrong?  

It had been six months since they broke up, six months of her calling him at random hours, six months of her showing up at his place and at his job unannounced.  

When was she going to move on?

It wasn’t as if the last ten years of their life had been perfect together.  All they did was argue.  He wasn’t even sure how they made it to ten years. 

The first two years they were together, it was amazing.  They laughed a lot, and became the best of friends.  Then she told him she wanted to drop out of college.  That’s when the arguments started.  Breaking up and getting back together almost seemed like foreplay for them.  

How could he trust someone that whenever things got tough they bailed?

She ended up staying in college until her junior year.  Then she just quit.  She told him that she didn’t see the need for college, because she didn’t want to be a career woman.  When he asked her what her plan was, she could never tell him.  She would just say “I’m just going to see how things go”.

He knew he couldn’t be with someone that just lived life on a whim.  That’s not how he was raised.  His dad and mom were very goal oriented, and he always saw himself marrying someone that was goal oriented. 

When he first approached her a few years ago about breaking up, she had laughed it off and then accused him of wanting to date other women.  

Why did women always assume that a man wanting to take break up meant he wanted to sleep around?

He had only wanted to clear his head, and also to see what he wanted from life.  Could he continue to date her if she wasn’t what he wanted.  Could he marry her? He stayed then, because he didn’t want to hurt her, and also because he was immature.   He knew that it was a waste of time to be with her, he had made up his mind before he had graduated. 

Now here they both were at year ten.  Just as lost and confused as they were their freshmen year in college.  

Ten fucking years.  

He couldn’t deny that she was awesome.  She was a great lover, and a good friend.  He just knew they weren’t made for each other.   His dad always said that “great sex doesn’t make a wife”.  

He knew that now.  

But, he still didn’t know what she wanted, all she ever said was that she wanted to get married and have kids.  Well what else does she want? The only thing he could come up with was that she must just want to be a stay at home wife, and she wanted him to be the sole provider.  That’s not what he envisioned in his marriage.  He wanted a partner.  Someone that would be as motivated as he was.  

Why couldn’t she just see that as good as friends that they were, they wouldn’t last in a marriage? 

How could she ask something of him, when it was very clear that she didn’t even know what she wanted?

Published by BrwnSknSwty

Traveling through words on a road called life, reading the map backwards, and still finding my purpose :-) <3 Follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter @brwnsknswty

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